That’s so deep maybe you’ll drown in it

Story by: Maggie Brown, staff writer
Photo by: Emily Neundorff, staff photographer

so deep

Everything is eventually going to die, the sun will consume our planet, the galaxy as we know it will cease to exist. So why exactly is it important that I get above a B on my ninth grade English final?

The answer is more simple than you think: it is not.  We are all just sleeping and eating and moving on about the day, and someday we will reproduce, because that is our instinct as mammals, and our offspring will eat and sleep and move about the day, only they will do it with robots and slightly more equality.

This has become a common mindset of our generation, and not without good reason. The economy is falling apart, and we are eighteen trillion dollars in debt to foreign nations. Racism, sexism, and homophobia are predominant despite years of working to eradicate it, Robin Williams is dead, and the public education system is training us all for the same standard office job even though the diversity of jobs that we will acquire is wider than any of us imagine.

None of it matters. And yet, we will not whine, or do anything to change the doomed path of domesticity that awaits us, if for no other reason than whining is annoying and creating change takes too much effort for the majority of people.

We will apply for college, major in something that mildly amuses us, find a job and a not-so-significant other, maybe adopt some kids or, if you are feeling really festive and in the mood to contribute to overpopulation, birth some of your own. Then these things that we have birthed or adopted will grow to the age of five and then be put in a penitentiary where they will be force fed information and encouraged to stifle the urge to learn by experience and exploration, using their own curiosity and intuition to learn about the world around them.

Congratulations, baby boomers: you did it. Our world has become so warped and unjust and uniform that this generation of teenagers and the generations before us are terrified of the future and the present. The existential crisis epidemic spreads by the hour, and eventually we’ll all be so unmotivated the economy will collapse.

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